Spotlight: Nicole D.

I started my weightloss April 25, 2020. It took me 13 years to gain up to 300lbs before deciding to change my life for myself and my children.

I played soccer all through school and as it tends to happen, when you stop being active, you gain weight.

I was slowly gaining a few pounds each year.

Then, in 2009 I was in a terrible car accident. I shattered my left ankle, broke my right hip and was in ICU for weeks.

I let those injuries define the rest of my life. Saying I could never be fit because of them.

Over the next 10 years and two kids later, I found d myself at 300lbs. Barely able to keep up with my children and headed to a wheelchair because of my lack of mobility and injuries.

I decided during quarantine, I had nothing to lose, except weight. I completely overhauled my diet and started boxing and lifting weights. In one year I went from 300lbs down to 197.

I am active, happier and making PRs like crazy! Life is good and I feel like a million bucks. The lesson is, never count yourself out. You can do this. ❤

Seasons of change

As the total chaos of summer dies down, I am consumed by only one thought: what is the structure I want in my life?

No more kids out of school, no more frequent and inescapable summer “plans…”

I like summer a lot, but I like structure, routine, and consistently working towards goals even more.

Spotlight: Trevor E.

I've been overweight my entire life. I grew up in a house where you finished what was on your plate, made frequent trips throught the drive through, and developed a habit of using food as a coping mechanism for emotional issues.

In 2019 I started a fitness journey that saw me lose 80 pounds. Unfortunately I went about it all wrong. I'm 6'1" and at the time weighed 374 pounds. I was eating 700-900 calories per day and slaying it at the gym. Great progress, no sustainability. Unsurprisingly, I gained the weight back because I wanted to focus on my last semester of college (graduated top of my class).

Fast forward to the day before Thanksgiving 2021. I was fat, out of shape, and my wife had a heart to heart about how she does everything she can to look good for me, but I do nothing to reciprocate those efforts. I also want to jump out of a perfectly good airplane. Even though the military can drop humvees out of planes no sweat, there's a weight restriction at most facilities for skydiving.

So that was my motivation to get started. I started using My Fitness Pal for tracking but heard the episode with Layne Norton. Started following him on Instagram and got more familiar with his app Carbon Diet Coach. I signed up to use that, used my health insurance to get a discount at a local gym so it could fit within my budget, and have been working for a little over a month on eating well and going to the gym.

So far I'm down 28.3 pounds from my starting weight of 362, have incorporated running into my treadmill workouts or use much steeper inclines than when I started, and I've used YouTube to figure out a push pull leg split that I'm going to start doing. Some of those videos featured you, Ethan, as you're one of my inspirations - especially since we're the same height according to Google.

I have a journey ahead of me, it's true. I need to lose another 103 pounds before I go skydiving. After that, I'm not sure. I really want to get into calisthenics and having total control over my body. We'll have to cross that bridge when we get there, though. For now, I'm focused on fat loss.

I love the podcast and take something away from every episode. I appreciate you introducing me to so many helpful people.

Unconditional love.

Have you ever noticed someone doing something in a way you considered to be wrong, and corrected them? Often, I find myself showing my children how some simple task “should” be done. Sometimes they welcome this “help” but often enough they become annoyed and seem to react in a way that leads me to believe they’d prefer to be left alone to do it their own way. My wife tells me weekly that she’s perfectly capable of driving without my instructional narration (she hates my instructional narration so much that I am often amazed that my voice, in normal conversation, isn’t grating on her).

When I was morbidly obese, any hint at a conversation about my weight would send me into a mental defensive stance, or reluctantly acquiescing and ultimately agreeing to change in an almost strictly performative way.
When confronted about my weight, I would feel as though I was being personally attacked, that those desiring change despised some immutable characteristic that was essential to me.

Trying to see the other point of view, I think that my parents, when considering my weight, probably ran the gamut of emotions.

When my daughter Clementine first got her driving permit, and would try and emulate Grand Theft Auto (though we’ve never had video games in our home), the existential nightmare it caused in me was nearly crippling. My fear for her life and the need for her to not drive in this way was all I could think about.

The point to all of this isn’t some miraculous revelation about why we shouldn’t want those around us to change in ways we deem beneficial, but simply that with acceptance of perspective, I was able to experience some relief.

Remembering all those times that I felt attacked and unloved, realizing now that I was very much loved (because my love for Clementine has never wavered ever slightly, despite the tremendous stress her driving causes me) and that their need for my change is something I too am guilty of nearly every day.

Spotlight: Jesse W

First and foremost. I've had a line of Ethan’s stuck in my head for over 25 years now. I think about the interaction with him and the young child in Mallrats randomly (or anytime I see a schooner) several times a year, and everytime I hear you say "ha ha! You dumb bastard. It's not a schooner. It's a sailboat" I laugh. So I've been a fan for a while.

Over the years, I’ve had some weight loss successes and some failures. I’ve lost and regained the same 100 pounds many times over the last 15 years. I was 100% convinced that the ONLY way I could possibly lose weight was by reducing carbs. I was certain that was what was wrong with me, I was just allergic to carbs. I would get into a good place with carb restriction, and a solid work out pattern, then some life event would happen, and I would just have to try the cake or the pizza or whatever the carb was. It got harder and harder to get back into the diet, cheat meals became days, became weeks, and all my progress was lost. I’d also traditionally stop working out when I ate carbs, cause I was feeling like garbage both physically and mentally from slipping up.

I found the American Glutton podcast when I was at my absolute biggest 379 pounds. I’d had some success getting dialed back into the low carb lifestyle. I listened to a few episodes and was super motivated by your transformation. Then after about 50 pounds lost, a funny thing happened, I met someone and fell into a relationship with a very special and amazing woman. Who even at my current size loved me for who I was. I again became complacent with the low carb life and the pounds began to come back on. She could see that I was struggling with the low carb stuff, mainly not being able to enjoy the same foods at the same time (we are both very much foodie people). For my 40th birthday, I woke up and looked in the mirror and knew that I had to make a change, so I went for a run, well more like a walk for a bit, run for a bit, but you know the deal. I was going to make sure that my 40’s were not like the previous years. Fortuitously enough she got me a meal plan that had all of my favorite things on it. Bread, Rice, Ice Cream, Kombucha, you name it. Not only could I have it, I could have it EVERY DAY.

This doubled me down on my journey, I listened to the podcast with a renewed vigor as I went for my daily walks. I related so much to all of it. From sneaking and hiding food consumption as a kid, to bags of fast food (from multiple places) after a drunken night out. I felt like I was listening to myself from the other side. It was of course during covid so I wasn’t going anywhere near a gym and I knew there was a broken down old weight bench in my basement, so I dusted that off and got back into lifting. Based on Ethan’s recommendation I devoured Renaissance Diet 2.0 and Fat Loss for Life and found them both to be beyond helpful. The fundamentals of macro counting and maintenance phases are game changers.

Since I was at my heaviest (2.5 years ago), I’ve dropped a little over 120 pounds, my sleep apnea has improved, I’m no longer on blood pressure medicine, I’m able to run a mile without training up to it, I can just walk out my front door and do it. I lift weights like a monster and feel stronger than ever.

I won a lifetime membership to Carbon Diet Coach in their transform challenge. (Ethan even commented on my instagram post, which meant so much to me) AND, I now eat more carbs in A DAY than I previously would in like TWO WEEKS..

I wanted to thank Ethan for being so transparent in your struggles. Because while his struggles are of course unique to him, they are in many ways also universal, and so many people can find takeaways that may change their lives. I know it isn’t easy to talk about those things. I know first hand how hard and how difficult being honest with yourself about the reality of your own body can be. I know now that my journey isn’t over, it never will be. I also know that thanks to people like Ethan, Layne Norton, Mike Istraetel, and of course my amazing girlfriend (who tried sooo hard to get a conversation with you and me going for my most recent birthday), I’m not alone on this journey. I’m in good company.

Your friend in the storm,

Jesse Whiteman

When in Rome

In 2002, I was a lackey, a tagalong for the European press tour of a rather large and impressive movie a friend of mine was in. We traveled with the director and the other lead actor and visited cities like London, Berlin, Paris, and Rome. Most evenings were filled with throngs of people at lavish parties, until one night in Rome. I found myself at an intimate dinner with the director, the two lead actors, and Roberto Benigni and his wife. Roberto was the unofficial mayor of Rome and was all too eager to host these three entertainment megaliths at what he said was the greatest restaurant in his city, Felice a Testaccio. He also seemed delighted to have me along because he felt that everyone should enjoy this magical food. 

The food was VERY good, but I hadn’t reached the height of my own culinary curiosity and the ripeness of a tomato, or the paper thin slice of prosciutto, well they weren’t lost on me but I was far more enamored by RB’s enthusiasm than I was by the food. 

I’d started dieting earlier in the year and had gone from ~550 pounds down to a very svelte ~450. At this stage of my dieting career, I was under the firm belief that my problem was with carbohydrates. So, I avoided things like rice, potatoes, pasta, bread, sugar.

When the pasta course arrived, I kinda pushed my plate ever so slightly away from myself. Not in a “get this slop away from me” or a “the proximity to this poison could be infectious (though this was probably part of it)” but more in a “I’m not going to partake and here’s mine if anyone wants it,” mixed with a little “the further away from me this is, it is that much harder for me to take a bite.” I thought nothing of this action. As a fat guy at a table full of very famous people, I was generally on my best behavior, I would never do anything to outwardly draw attention to myself, my action was largely mindless and thought would go unnoticed. It did not.

I immediately felt Benigni catch my movement and lock onto it with some intensity.

I think I said something banal like “none for me thanks.” To which he inquired in broken English if I had the newly acceptable Celiac’s Disease. Having no idea exactly how offensive I was being and what an out he had just offered me, I said, “No, no, just on a diet.” There was some puzzlement on his face, surely since I had gone to town on the meat and cheese dishes, and generally wasn’t eating much like a person “on a diet.”

There was some shouting, and pleas. The Italian icon banged on the table and said, “Ethan froma Burbank, you must try this pasta!” Dinner halted, he stood, he drew on the entire mass of the diners surrounding us! At one point everyone at the table, save my one close friend, was imploring me to eat one piece of perfectly dressed penne arrabiata that Roberto had speared onto a fork, and was thrusting into my face. One director leaning over and saying under his breath, “Just eat the fucking pasta!”

I didn’t do it. I allowed a scene (an international incident!) and held my ground. 

I was newly sober, and quite new to dieting of my own volition (prior to this, diets were done to me by my parents, but I wanted it this time, this time it was for me), and I saw spiraling images in my head of late-night room service and an eventual hunt for an all night gelato house. I saw my life in the balance of that speared piece of penne which Roberto wielded like a gun at my head. 

For more than two decades I’ve gone back and forth with regret and elation over that night. The regret has come when I’m deep into the fuckits, eating like the food is gonna run out and gaining weight with reckless abandon. The elation comes when I’m doing well and I feel some pride about having held out.

The truth is, I’m happy with where I am at today, I’m okay with all the actions that brought me here and can’t be totally sure if without one of them I’d be here now. Not that I’d be dead and gone, but rather that right now might not be as rad as it is. I’m alive, and my life seems like a fairytale. 

I went to a wedding in Italy recently and due to flight connections had to stop in Roberto Benigni’s city for one night. I made a reservation at Felice a Testaccio, and it just so happened to be the night the pasta special was penne arrabiata.

The reservation wasn’t made from having a case of the fuckits, or some other self-sabotage. I was curious. While I believe every decision I have made, good or bad, has brought me to today, and I am only grateful, I wanted to have the experience I couldn’t have 20 years ago. I wanted to be able to appreciate good food, a normal, decent, modest amount, feel the excitement of the moment like everyone else at that table could, when I could not.

My wife and I and our two children invited a friend at the last minute. Because we were now a group of 5, we could not fit into one taxi and had to wait for a second one. We arrived to dinner 15 minutes late, exactly one hour and 15 minutes after the restaurant opened.

When I told the waiter, I would like the penne arrabiata, he said,

“I am sorry sir, we just sold our last plate”. 

Until next time Mr. Begnini. 

Spotlight: Tyler A.

Throughout my life I've struggled with my weight. I am definitely blessed to not have had to deal with the same severity as others have but it's still been something that I've always been conscious of.

In 2018 I went through a pretty nasty divorce. I felt extremely alone and out of control of my life and the only thing that I thought was there for me and which I could control was food. I started eating anything and everything always. I went from 250 lbs to over 320 lbs within 3 months. Being 5' 8" that was pretty big, to the point I could barely tie my shoes and wipe my own ass.

Over the next few years I struggled with pretty bad depression and anxiety. It would cripple me. I'd wake up, eat, work, eat more, get home and get in bed and eat more. Eventually I found myself in some legal trouble at the end of 2019 which lead to me losing my job. A series of bad choices that I made stemming from my inability to cope with that depression lead me to court mandated therapy.

During that therapy I learned that where I found myself was because of my choices. Not the choices of anyone else. Not my parents, not my ex wife. Not anyone else but me. Somehow that empowered me instead of debilitated me, I'm assuming because of the skilled way the therapy presented it.

In August 2020, during the height of the virus and a time I felt like my life was completely out of control, I decided to make an attempt and regaining control of my life through my choices. I thought the best place to start would be my fitness and nutrition. I began researching the psychological side of weight loss and working out habits. Why some people succeed and why some fail. I learned a lot about inspiration and what inspires me, why I'm starting this journey, who it's for. I learned about motivation and found many podcasts and YouTube channels that I've used to help keep me focused a few of which are: obviously American Glutton, Mark Bell's Power Project, stuff from Mike Israetel and RP Strength, Greg Doucette, Brian Shaw, Martins Licis, and tons of others.

I learned about dedication and how it drives you to continue to work hard when motivation is fleeting. How important consistency is in forming habits that get you in to a routine. I set a roadmap for myself with vision of where I wanted to be. I set milestone goals along the way and then created little things to do daily and weekly that when cumulated would bring my closer to my milestones which together would get me to my end goal. I kept a journal of my daily wins and positive self affirmations.

I truly believe what Jack Canfield wrote:

"The law of attraction states that whatever you focus on, think about, read about, and talk about intensely, you're going to attract more of into your life."

I consumed as much material on fitness an nutrition as I could absorb and I implemented and tried out so many different strategies. I learned what worked for me and stuck with it. Consistency and compliance became my science a spin on what Mark Bell says.

I've weighed myself every single day since Labor day 2020 and kept track of it on a spreadsheet. I have worked out at the gym 4 days a week every single week since then as well. I implement intermittent fasting mostly to keep myself from overeating and not as much for the science of it. I eat a ton of protein. I've found that a modified keto diet, as Ethan has put it, has been a great diet for me. I eat high protein, moderate fat, and lower carbs.

I've lost just under 100 lbs now. I've gone from 320 to 226 so far and am about 18-20% and I'm not even close to my fitness journey. I've not only learned to take control of my fitness and nutrition, I've taken control of all aspect of my life. I'm still dealing with the consequences of my actions and the legal ramifications of those but I face them with optimism. I have taken control of my finances and am able to provide for myself. My mental health has never been better in my life and I feel so motivated to become even greater! I look forward to each day because it's another chance to work towards my goals and become more great. I appreciate the good Ethan his team are doing. Sharing a side of fitness and nutrition that people don't think they can be capable of achieving.

Travel & Eating

The balance for me when traveling, is to be as close to my plan as possible, and to keep my behavior in check.
For a long time, I would capsize under the weight of any divergence from my plan. “My plan” has historically been a set-in stone type affair. Whether it be what time we need to leave for the airport, what television show to watch, or how I’m eating. Maybe this is because for a long time, no plan, got me into trouble.

So, if my plan said I had to eat in a certain way, and I found myself in a part of the world that wasn’t conducive to that, the wheels completely came off, and I would then eventually return home and keep the party going until I eventually found my life unmanageable.

I’ve come to terms with some semblance of moderation. For example, I don’t eat fast food. But this is not an absolute, it’s a guardrail. The absolute for me, comes down to my behavior with the food. I appreciate the time I spent early on, being very rigid about how I needed to eat. That is what that period in my life called for. But that is not my forever plan with food. In the same way that I see no finish line to putting some effort into maintaining my weight, I see no need for my early absolutes to go on forever.

I think it also helps that I no longer travel only to eat, something I spent decades doing before - Peking Duck in Beijing anyone? Now I am active, often clocking more than 20,000 steps a day in whatever city we are visiting, begging my children to keep up with me.

Spotlight: Amy G.

Unfortunately addiction runs in my family. At about 12 yrs old things at home changed. I couldn’t control what was happening. I ended up finding my comfort in food. Food became my own vice. Steadily over the years I gained weight. I’d eat even when I wasn’t hungry. Just out of habit and the quantity increased too.

Fast forward to 2018 by this time I’ve tried countless times to lose weight. Weight loss surgery just wasn’t an option for me personally because I knew I needed to change my ways. I was the heaviest I’ve ever been standing at 5’6” and 277lbs. January 15, 2019 I decided to change my mindset. I stopped hoping and wishing I’d lose the weight and started telling myself I ‘will’ lose the weight. I did a version of keto and I say that because I stayed under 20g net carbs a day and within a calorie deficit but didn’t add extra fats to my diet. I truly focused solely on what I was eating. I lost 80lbs in the first 8-9 months. Then I started adding in exercise. Like walking which eventually turned into running. My lowest weight was 153lbs. Today I’m sitting at 160lbs.

It’s been quite the journey but man has it been worth it. I wish I would’ve started sooner and been more active when my kids were toddlers because now it can be a fight to get them active however I know them seeing me set that example helps too. Or at least I’m hoping.

So overall I’ve lost 120lbs with mostly diet changes and working out. Now I enjoy seeing the gains I’m making by lifting in my garage. Pushing myself in a cardio kickboxing class I’ve wanted to do for the last 9 years I could’ve never done before but now have the confidence to also do. I feel like I truly have a new view on life and plan to never go back to where I was. I love listening to the AG podcast because it’s like “geez there are others out there that get it”.

Holiday Hacks

My 4th of July BBQ won't break my caloric bank.

To my mind, holidays are all about food. Even if I’m abstaining from the eating competition, the idea of the holiday, has a flavor, has a scent, has some entanglement with food.

Thanksgiving is turkey/stuffing/potatoes/gravy, Christmas is my wife’s eggs benedict in the morning, the kids Pillsbury crescent roles baked around ham and various cheeses midday, and a prime rib roast for dinner. These holidays are epic gauntlets of consumption. Try as I might, I cannot think of a single holiday without flavor and scent…

This became a problem for me when I started dieting, or really, when I embarked upon “lifestyle change.” Occasionally I’d diet through a holiday, be the grump with only turkey breast on my plate for Thanksgiving, or the one peeling the crescent roll and cheese off my children’s creation on Christmas day, gobbling up the ham and discarding the rest. But as I’ve progressed with “lifestyle change” I’ve been trying to view my holiday plate as a temple of moderation. Not overburdened in either direction, neither too much indulgence or abstinence.

The 4th of July tastes and smells of BBQ to me. Not in a thick red sugar sauce way, but in charred meats over an open flame.

Here’s what I’ll be eating come this 4th:

I have missed sausage for so long, as a kid they were one of my favorite foods. Whether spiced with fennel seeds in the Italian tradition or heavily with paprika in the Spanish. Non-descript ground meat incased in non-descript animal casing makes my mouth water! I love andouille and kielbasa, hot links and bratwurst, I love a dirty water hot dog and I love a Magnificent Mangalitsa sausage with visceral passion. I love meat in tube form.

But it’s been off the menu for some years now, the average macro ratio has never been justifiable for me.

And then along comes a company called Bilinskis, throwing my entire understanding of tubed meat on its ear. They make really delicious sausage, in a plethora of flavors, and they’re not just cylinders of fat! At around 80 calories per link, with 12-14 grams of protein, 2 grams of fat and less than a gram of carbs, it’s almost like they were made just for me!
I love their andouille and spicy red pepper, but on the 4th I will be chowing down on spinach and garlic.

Arnold makes a keto hot dog bun, also 80 calories, loaded with fiber, and the pairing of these two items is a little burst of guilt-free heaven.
I will also be grilling chicken which has been marinating in Fage 0% fat yogurt, garlic, lemon juice, salt and oregano.

I’m going to pair this with a tzatziki also made from 0% fage yogurt, shallots, garlic, lemon, mint, and cucumber. The secret to a good tzatziki is getting as much liquid out of the cucumber as possible. I grate it, squeeze as much out as possible with a clean dish towel, salt it well, allow to rest, and then give it a good second squeeze after the salt has been given 10 or so minutes to do its work, mix them all together and it really feels like a high fat sauce.

With just a little bit of elbow grease, some thought and preparation, I don’t have to avoid all the flavors I associate with these holidays, and they don’t turn into cheat meals (that can turn into days) that can get out of hand either.

I’m still navigating this “lifestyle change” stuff. Turns out that I haven’t reached life’s finish line yet and must still put some effort into it. So why not make it as flavor-able as possible?

Mental Sabotage

I found myself in a real “fuck it” moment the other day.
I’d been traveling for a few weeks for work, and I felt really fat. So fat that I was beginning to become convinced that the amount of effort I exerted into my “health” wasn’t worth the results.

I hadn’t been anywhere near a scale in almost 3 weeks and I knew I was up by at least 10, but suspected it was closer to 15 pounds. And I hadn’t been crazy, I hadn’t been binge eating, or drinking milkshakes, but I knew that when I got home I was in for a real defeat on the scale. I could see the number in my head, and it was devastating. My clothes were tight, I was uncomfortable, and so dissuaded with trying to hold onto something that was surely impossible for me. With the imaged number on the scale flashing in my mind, a voice in my head also said, “You know you’re going to get fat again, you’ll be a huge disappointment to your friends and family, the media will make fun of you and wonder why you don’t just get on Ozempic.”

By the time I got home, I’d shaken off most of the nonsense, the giving up nonsense, the defeatist nonsense, but I was still down in the dumps on my way to my bathroom scale to weigh-in. But I’d already mentally laid out a path back for myself and was looking forward to getting on with it.
I’d lost 3 pounds.

Moments earlier I was looking at a picture of me from 3 weeks before, thinking “I look really good in this picture, and now I’m fat.”
AND I WAS THREE POUNDS LIGHTER!

So much of this battle exists only in my head, the myriad of reasons to give up and cry about how hard it is are all still there. I don’t think I will ever truly believe I’m out of the woods, but I am getting better at recognizing the nonsense, putting one foot in front of the other, believing the noise I’m making for myself isn’t real, and getting on with it.

Spotlight: Eric B

It is almost 3 years to the day that my life was flipped upside-down. Right before that day, I had lost my job that I loved, which caused me to fall into a deep depression; I had also gone to the doctor for the first time in 10 years and they told me that if I didn't improve my health I should prepare myself for a very different type of life. At that point, I was so unhealthy. I weighed 420lbs, loved drinking beer and barbecuing for my family. I ate anything and everything but I also did recognize that I was in constant physical pain. Funny thing though, I didn't even see myself as that bad off.

Things also were looking like they were turning around; I was going to start a new job, I was eating healthier and my 5 kids and wife were giving me tons of love and support to get me out of my depression. Then on July 18, 2018, I found out my wife was having an affair. To say this tore my life apart is an understatement. Even now, those first few months were a blur. The trauma I experienced drove me to drink and smoke weed. I was consumed with the failure of my almost 20 year marriage, so any progress I had made was completely gone.

I was in such a dark place, I couldn't see a way out. However, I recognized I needed to get myself out for my kids. So I started to workout and it helped me mentally and physically. However, my life was truly only teetering between stagnation and chaos. In my mind, I was always going to go back to my wife and my previous life at some point.

Then COVID hit and I was forced to slow down and truly think about my life. I took my newfound freetime to research YouTube videos on diet/exercise and also inspirational stories of people who transformed their health. That's when I saw your transformation. My kids and I were huge fans of "My Name is Earl". In fact, I remember sending them a screenshot of you and saying "Check out Randy! He's my new role model!" I started listening to the podcast, which gave me additional knowledge about diet and working out. However, the thing that it helped most with was changing my mindset. I was able to clean up my diet and began a consistent workout routine. I started to change my entire lifestyle and mindset! I can honestly say that I would not be where I am today without this podcast.

I am a 41 year old father and I have lost 155 lbs, but more than that I have completely transformed my body and mind. My kids and physical/mental health are my priorities. This change has improved my confidence in myself, which has begun to improve my career and personal relationships. I also recognize that I am a work in progress and still have a long way to go, but that's okay. I am a different man now having used this chaos in my life as a ladder to climb to a new vantage point to see a better future for myself.

Spotlight: Kimberly C.

I don't even know if I should do this because someone may end up reading it. At the same time part of me desperately wants someone somewhere to read it. Even just once. What would I include? What would I leave out? Am I going to be too graphic, dramatic, or sound like a terrible person?

One thing I don't really want to talk about but it is the most important part was the abuse that followed me my entire life. My dad was a very abusive man (so of course I sound like every girl ever). My dad would beat my ass so bad and sit on top of me and keep hitting me and that is not even remotely the tip of the iceberg. But he would also of course say the meanest shit to us for hours on end. He would tell me I'm a fat Duke, he would call me private pile, and he would call me tuna (which is relevant af to Ethan and the American glutton podcast because Tuna was his character in Blow. Everything was always related to whatever he was watching at the time. He would force me to get on the scale after beating my ass and grab my rolls of fat and tell me I looked just like tuna and talk about my name is Earl and how I am nothing but a fat joke.

As anyone can imagine I ended up with eating disorders which lead to more weight gain. I was homeschooled, never allowed to go anywhere, and when I went back to public school I met my best friend and ended up moving in with her when I was 14. I was more anorexic than bulimic until I had to eat and always purged. I would look at thinspo constantly and try to tell my best friend all these tricks we could be doing which obviously were actually for eating disorders. I had also started stealing the pills out of my moms purse when I would come home. I developed some problems lol. But then my sister got me a gym membership for my 18th birthday and my life changed. I started reading text books on nutrition and changed my entire life around. I lost 130 lbs. I went from 376 to 240. There was a lot of extra skin and I felt like I was swimming in my body but it was worth it.

At that point I ended up pregnant. I was supposed to have a girl. I was with a guy I shouldn't have been and we were off and on for years to come. I lost my daughter to a birth defect and was honestly devastated. I moved on as i knew how to do. I had already been homeless twice in my life and had a shitty childhood so I tucked it away in my memory and keep her box of ashes.

I moved back to Seattle (where I am from) and ended up homeless again and pregnant again. I thought I gained so much weight but honestly I didn't. Moving forward I kept dropping weight. And went back to Oregon, lived in a housing. My "soon to be husband" ended up disappearing for about a week and came back to tell me not to touch him. I went on to become pregnant and at the time I was so poor I was stealing diapers and chicken noodle soup from the local safeway. My mother in law was adopted and I had a serious conversation with her about what to do. My second daughter was yes adopted. I just didn't feel like I could give her a good enough life. About a year later after coming back to Seattle for good I was homeless again and pregnant without even knowing. I thought I was gaining weight. Rapidly. I was living in a shelter and my car with my daughter. When my car got towed with everything g inside, all of my shoes were inside. It was nice outside so I was wearing a pair of slides a good friend gave me. I wore those slides homeless for almost a year. Walking around holding 5 back packs with my daughter and sometimes her dad. When I found out I was pregnant I was already 5 months along. I was not just depressed but suicidal. I had no idea what to do and was going through the worst of motions. Dshs was hoop after hoop of nothingness and was definitely having existential worry. My daughter I would watch sleep on the bench at the transit center as we were resting. I contacted the adoption agency I had gone through before asking for advice and had found someone to talk to and told her everything I could. My son was also adopted. I entered transitional housing which lead me to where I am now. I have worked customer service the last 2 years (I worked food service before, working 2 jobs usually). I have a place I am getting used to living in. But the problem i have been having for over a year now, is that I am working out and eating right and my weight continues to rise. I have been to the doctor over and over again. I am afraid to get on the scale because it is almost always higher than the last time. I count my calories and do my work out, I try to lead a healthy lifestyle. I use beach body on demand which is my favorite cardio. Currently am participating in 365 day challenge started in February. But I just can't seem to lose weight and am somewhere between 350 and 360 I THINK because I am just to scared to get on the scale. I work out every day almost. I have been since I had my son (I gained almost 100 lbs for some reason) I have been told it is stress and trauma and a million other things but my thyroid is fine. So I wish I knew what was wrong but I continue to work my ass off every day to be a better self, my daughter chooses her own work outs she will be 6 in a week and has always worked out w me so she is pretty solid for a kid haha.

Who knows if I put out too much information.

I was compared to Ethan so much growing up while being degraded. And to know we both work our asses off honestly just feels like the best fuck you ever to everyone.

I have a very blessed life. I remember seeing my collar bone for the first time and thinking something was wrong with my back not realizing they were shoulder blades. I called my boyfriend at the time freaking out and he came and looked and it was ridiculous. I take solace in knowing I continue to do what I have to even though I feel so unsuccessful. One of my favorite things to say is that progress is inevitable. Even if my weight for some reason isn't going down, my muscles stay strong. My body looks ridiculous. My skin is stressed and exhausted. But I keep up with my almost 6 year old and I keep getting back up every time I fall down.

My life sounds like drama and I know that but these instances have all been so overwhelmingly real. I have been able to adapt and get through everything I have had to. I have made amazing connections along with the not so great ones. I had to add an appreciation note. My biggest aspiration right now is to some day shake the hand of Ethan Suplee. Just to tell him how much I admire him and how big of an influence he is currently having on my journey back to myself. I didn't know if I should share because I'm still fat yet again. When heard that he had lost the same hundred or so pounds (on a podcast he was talking about the up and down) I felt so related to. Yes everyone goes through that 20 or 30 lbs up and down but I have lost the same 100 or so lbs 3 times. I have been working my ass off trying for this 4th and I just keep going because that is all that matters. Nobody else knows what that is like that to lose over a hundred lbs, gain it back, feel completely defeated, get up and do it again. And again. And again. It is crushing. But I won't give up. And lately I have been literally working out to his podcasts on spotify. I am so impressed I feel so related to I have been in that watery eye phase when I listen to what he has to say. I hope some day to shake his hand.

Thicc Boy Summer!

What are your summer plans? Even if working straight through with no brakes, is there anyway to get more active and out doors? I’m planning on going on more bike rides with my wife and kids. That’s my big summer plan for more activity. What are yours?

Spotlight: Devon L.

To be honest, I don't recall exactly when I started gaining weight. I know I was bullied from the 3rd grade up until around 10th grade. The insults ranged from being told I smelled to being called fat. As a result, I didn't have many friends growing up. even now, my social circle remains small. The few friends I did have probably didn't know how bad it was for me. I tried to keep my struggles a secret out of embarrassment, although I doubt I hid it well.

As a result, I isolated myself from the world, I believed I didn't deserve friendships or a romantic relationship because I assumed others thought the same things about me that I thought about myself. So I did the thing I found comfort in the most. Eating, Looking back now, I realize it was one of the deepest and darkest holes I've ever gone down.

Trading your body and mind for a few moments of pleasure, only to be overwhelmed by waves of guilt and insults. Surprisingly, the worst insults came from me. I'm not sure exactly when I realized that my actions had consequences and would lead to a life of health issues and regret, but at my heaviest, I weighed around 400 pounds.

I attempted several diets on my own but would quickly give up when I didn't see immediate results. Quite the opposite would happen.. I felt embarrassed, I even briefly talked to my mom about pursuing weight loss surgery. I never fully considered that option, mainly because I was afraid to consult a doctor about it.

In 2018, I asked my mom if she'd do a diet with me. I chose the keto diet. almost immediately i added intermittent fasting (a 20/4 eating window). I went to extremes, and I do NOT recommend this approach, but if you do try it, make sure to do thorough research and consult a doctor beforehand.

During that time, I was probably eating around 1000 calories a day. I managed to keep this up for a little over two months before I had to increase my caloric intake because of health concerns. Within a year, I had lost over 100 pounds.

Over the following two years, my weight fluctuated. because of this, I decided to try one of the workout programs I had previously attempted but given up on, DDPYoga. I'm not gonna go deep on DDPYoga, I think there are plenty of videos showcasing how incredible it can be for ANYONE. (Check out "Arthur's Inspirational Transformation")

While DDPYoga may have kickstarted my physical fitness journey, I stumbled upon a simple yet impactful podcast that became the real key to my transformation: "American Glutton." I thought the name fit me well, so I gave it a shot.

The podcast features men and women who had faced similar challenges to mine. It included doctors and gym nuts who could help guide someone like me, who had no knowledge about health beyond "eat less, burn more." I knew I found something, and to my surprise, the host of the podcast was an actor I admired. partly because he was a bigger actor... Mr. Ethan Suplee.

Seeing his transformation and listening to his story gave me the courage and inspiration to push as hard as I had ever pushed before. Not necessarily caring about a specific number anymore but more so how I feel. My mindset on health and fitness has changed for the better and I look forward to the lifelong journey I have ahead.

That's why I decided to get this logo tattooed on me. It symbolizes everything I have endured and all that lies ahead.

I hope someone can draw inspiration from my story, and I cheer for anyone who chooses to take this long road. It may sound cliché, but I wanted to end this with a famous quote.

"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place, and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit. It's about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit and not point fingers, saying you ain't where you are because of him or her or anybody. Cowards do that, and that ain't you. You're better than that."

An American Glutton in Europe.

Did you aim for the stars and come up short? Me too.

At some point I wanted to get down into single digit body fat percentage for a wedding I’m going to in Europe. And I just didn’t make it. I’ve been rationalizing this in so many ways, that once I set foot in Europe I’d be back up into double digits, meaning, I’d never actually make it to the wedding at 9% body fat. And do I really need to show off to the European snobs, and why would I want to go to Europe on such a restrictive diet anyways? The truth is, getting that lean is really, REALLY hard, and life has largely gotten in the way of achieving that goal. I don’t love excuses for getting derailed, but I also sometimes set goals that my heart isn’t really committed to.

What was I successful at? I lost 10 pounds! That’s not nothing!
I’m gonna take that win with me to Europe and celebrate with a walk around some Roman monuments.

Spotlight: Brock C.

In 2016 I was 525lbs and knocking on deaths door in a literal hell of my own making.

I came across guys like Jocko Willink, David Goggins, and Jordan Peterson which helped me decide after being turned down by multiple personal trainers because they didn't know how to work with someone my size I had three options:

1. Hit the exit button early

2. Sit there get bigger and die to be craned out of my house like Gilbert grape.

3. Do something about it.

After that I contacted a bariatric specialist who did a gastric sleeve on me which allowed for me to lose 100lbs. During that first 100lbs I reprogrammed my brain completely. I now work out 6 days a week and do Jiu jitsu 5-6 days a week with razor sharp eating habits.

I've dropped 326lbs lbs and am now 199lbs and concentrating on putting on muscle. I love to talk about my journey and what my ultimate goal is, becoming a law enforcement officer in the next year at 37-38!

On being “normal”

My cousin Peter sent me this picture recently. I’m the kid in the middle with long socks. Clementine, who is just about to be 18, says “you looked so normal.” I think she means I’m dressed like a normal person, this could be her greatest current criticism of me today, the manner with which I clothe myself.

I hear something different though, because I too see a totally normal kid. This was the beginning of my self loathing, this was the beginning of being put on diets.

I’m at a bit of a loss, because I do not see a kid that needed to be put on a diet. While I am possibly slightly thicker than my cousins, I wouldn’t suggest a diet for that kid. I hold no animosity towards my parents or grandparents, I believe that they acted with me out of love and concern… But this is a tough picture to digest, because while I appear to be so happy, my memories from childhood are overwhelmingly of feeling out of place and uncomfortable in my own skin due to my fatness.

Perhaps this is a picture of one of my childhood dietary milestones or successes. I remember loving my cousins, but I have no memory of being a “normal” kid.

Spotlight: DJ W.

Before the pandemic I was 306.

Now through diet and exercise, but most importantly MINDSET, I’ve shed that weight to drop down to 200. It began really slow with a shift in circumstances as the pandemic rerouted my routines and prevented trips to the liquor store and grocery store where dear old Jerry and Ben ice cream haunt me. I picked up running, very slow with zone 2 running where I’ve found consistency as I don’t dread running anymore. Started out with 3km runs and just completed my first half marathon a few weeks ago and run 10kms a few times a week. I’ve also began training with kettlebells 3x a week, which as it turns out there is so much you can do other than swings. They’ve been a lot of fun learning and training my core and such a simple tool to have in a home gym.

Lastly mindset, this is a big one and I find American Glutton has really helped me maintain this mental attitude with killing your clone, the diet after the diet, etc etc.

I used David Goggins technique of looking in the mirror and judging yourself and looking at your habits that got you to be 300+ and what would the 200 lbs version of me be doing (as described in his book). I’ve taken James Clear’s examples of identity and shifted how I look at myself and what type of person I am, with sayings such as I don’t miss workouts. I came to the realization that fit people are fit because they don’t stop. They’re in the gym and shredded because they don’t stop. You can’t go on a diet and be “done” when you hit your goal. If you stop you gain the weight back. That happened to me countless times.

There is no finish line for your goals, they just change and adjust.

I finally realized you just have to keep going, it was a literal lightbulb moment. Like holy shit, all my skinny friends go to the gym all week and go for hikes on the weekend instead of just going home and watching tv? How come they’re not fat like me! Ha!!!

One of my personal inspirations was thoughts around liability or an asset, here’s my example: If my family (I have 2 kids) were trapped on the 19th floor of a burning building and the elevator shaft is down, there is no way in hell I’m not sprinting up those stairs to save them, now is that going to be easier at 300lbs or 200lbs? Flip side I’m passed out in a house fire and my wife has to rescue me, again this is easier if I’m lighter… Basically training for scenarios I can’t control or predict but knowing I’ll be ready for that situation if it ever comes up. That’s what helps motivate me to go on a run when I’m tired or lift when its cold out (I live in Canada so swinging a KB in the snow all winter and running in the snow was interesting but I kept the habit going).

On June 27 I’m doing a 4km hike up a local mountain in my city, adding back on the weight I’ve lost. I’m going to wear 100lbs on a vest and a backpack and Ruck up the side of a mountain with my friends just as a reminder of how difficult life was previously and how challenging it was to move at my previous weight, also reminding me of a place I never want to go again.

I would invite you all to try some type of version of this, maybe others could be inspired by the reminder of how far they’ve come and what they’ve had to endure in order to lose all the weight they were carrying for so long!

The diet isn’t the solution.

I have worn many identities that were intertwined with some diet that was popular at the time. Keto, Low-Carb, Paleo, Macrobiotic, Eating Clean (lol), Blood Type… and on and on. This identity would take over a lot of my thought process and consume me to a degree. I’d want to tell people what they were eating that was wrong and explain how they should be eating.

What left my consciousness was that the reason I was eating this way was entirely because I wanted to lose weight. Whether this aspect of the diet was working or not would eventually be forgotten and my worldview would get shaped around “how you should eat.”
A lot of the benefits of these various diets that I’d been sold on, had nothing to do with fat loss, some of them can even produce weight loss on a scale without achieving fat loss, but I was unaware of this at the time.

I would cling to this identity until it either became so obviously wrong or the next shiny new diet with good marketing came along.
The truth is, if you’ve got plenty of excess fat, any of these diets will achieve some weight loss. If you’re more interested in inflammation, or have some moral issue with eating animals, or you’re really just concerned with your blood lipids, or whatever your goal might be that’s not fat loss, maybe it would be better to get very specific about which diet you do. Diets tend to work when adhered to, for a while at least. The trouble with the “eat anything” from this category or list of foods, is that after you lose some of the weight you’d like to lose, the amount you’re eating may be enough to sustain your now lower but still over, weight.

I don’t think the diet is the solution.

Diet has two definitions, first is just how you eat, second is a restrictive version of how you eat with some goal in mind, typically fat loss. I don’t know about you, but when I thought about going on a diet, I wasn’t thinking about the rest of my life. Especially if I was being totally honest about my goal, fat loss. If you lose fat forever, eventually your body will start consuming lean tissue, and then organs, and you die. That's NOT ideal! It’s a short term thing, it’s a moment, it’s not forever.

So how do I confront forever? Because forever is what’s left after the diet? Unless I’m resigned to cycling on and off difficult diets from here on? I was at one point, after so many relapses, I was ready to just spend half my life dieting, and it really didn’t matter which one. This was also not ideal.

I had to take into account that the way I was living my life, outside of dieting, contributed to or allowed me to be very overly fat.

I think of a diet as a tool, some are very precise and some are not, but none is the solution to my life.

The solution has been a total overhaul, the way I think about food, how I interact with it, what I allow it to do for me, and what I stay away from allowing it to do for me. The solution has been plotting out my life in a realistic way that will allow me to eat, with the correct amount of restraint for me, and getting myself more physically active. The solution has been some effort every day to become a version of myself that I like more than the old me.

The solution requires many tools, and is an ever ongoing process.

I wish you luck in finding your solution.