On Pleasure.

“The same is the case with those opinions of man to which he has been accustomed from his youth; he likes them, defends them, and shuns the opposite views.” 
- Moses Maimonides

“All things are subject to interpretation, whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth.” 
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Photo by @burgersneversaydie

In life, I have repeatedly failed the marshmallow test.

The Stanford marshmallow experiment was a study on delayed gratification in 1972 led by psychologist Walter Mischel, a professor at Stanford University. In this study, a child was offered a choice between one small but immediate reward, or two small rewards if they waited for a period of time. During this time, the researcher left the room for about 15 minutes and then returned. The reward was either a marshmallow or pretzel stick, depending on the child's preference. In follow-up studies, the researchers found that children who were able to wait longer for the preferred rewards tended to have better life outcomes, as measured by SAT scores, educational attainment, body mass index (BMI), and other life measures. [Wikipedia].

I have always wanted the immediate gratification, the sudden burst of dopamine or whatever endocrinological burst of chemicals inform our meat sacks that we’ve made the right decision, assuming I - or any child given the marshmallow test - would really prefer two marshmallows to one. I have always preferred more, even somehow more of those things I don’t generally like. I cannot rationalize this, I can’t tell you that I’ve spent time meditating on this, figured it out, and have a cure - I don’t. I will always struggle with it, it will always be something I hope to overcome. That’s my lot.

I have been able to meditate on and rationalize my goals, I have been able to categorize and prioritize my intentions with pleasure. There can be no denial that I take or find or seek pleasure in eating, I do, I have, I will. I can and do recognize that, and I can and do attempt to embrace some kind of masochism in regards to it. I want to detach the association of pleasure with food, to strip it of its ability to take me away from broader purposes. Every day that I wake up without sore feet, without a fear of the physical exertion of the day ahead, is more valuable than the brief moment of thoughtlessly pushing something into my mouth that is almost immediately regretted. They’re nowhere near equal. And yet for so long I was burdened by an inability to look at this, to place these two ideas upon the value scale of my mind.

What do I want from food? 

Of course in this moment I get an instant idea of a double cheese burger, large fries and a coke. So I have to push that first thought aside, there is no telling really where it’s come from, but I do know where it leads. 

I try again, what do I want from food?

I want energy. I want fuel for my body. My body’s ability to navigate life is the current goal that food plays a part in. I have spent decades being anesthetized by almost constant pleasure in eating. There is so much available, so many choices. As an adult in America, I can have the MOST pleasurable food for every meal. I can only imagine that Disneyland would be REALLY FUCKING AWFUL if I went everyday. At some point we need a beak from the constant capitulation to our base instincts.

I don’t know why I’ve never gotten sick of cheeseburgers. I believe its something to do with the Thrifty Gene Hypothesis, because of historic and prehistoric famines, we evolved to not only store fat efficiently, but to overeat when possible. 

We can beat this if we understand it, we can talk ourselves out of behaving in this way. I cannot think of anything else I enjoy doing that I would enjoy day in day out with the same relentless passion that I have for eating. NOTHING. I would get sick of any other act and need a serious break, not just from breakfast to lunch.

So I remind myself of these things.

Is the value of not being out of breath at the end of a single flight of stairs greater than the value of a few moments with something in my mouth that will not continue to satiate me once I swallow? YES! I can think of any instance from today walking up stairs, not being fatigued and feel a spark of pride and pleasure. I can use reason and logic to place these two forms of pleasure at odds with each other and I can and may have to remind myself and re-convince myself of this repeatedly.

Military strategist John Boyd came up with something called the OODA Loop, OODA stands for observe-orient-decide-act and the loop means you DON'T JUST DO IT ONCE! We can observe our impulses, orient them with our goals, make a decision based on this, and then act. 

I try for brutal honesty with myself, once I am touching honesty, I can begin to determine my capabilities, and once I’ve got these two figured out, I can go about trying to beat my impulses.

Sincerely,